Christian Pathway

Who do you have to forgive?

Is it the  abusive parent or spouse?

Is it the person at work 

The person you just can’t figure out why they wronged you?

The person that’s just always rude to you

The prejudice you face on a daily basis for race colour religions

The person who was just spiteful for no apparent reason

Who is it for you?

I have people who I struggle with, I think we all do. This sermon coincides with me trying very hard to forgive someone at work who was just nasty for no other reason than politics. So I am working on forgiving them, and the work I have done this week has helped a lot.

The more you pray the more coincidences happen.

Or is it yourself who you struggle to forgive? 

I struggle with forgiving  myself, I can play my worst moments in my head and realise I can’t  make them right. I can only hope I was forgiven.

So let’s call today a group session I just wish one day one or two lines of today help you too. Because I really get the feeling, I needed to write this sermon for me as much as anyone else.

At least I hope so

So let’s work together and see where we land.

To begin the most important this about forgiveness is that  

Our lord considers forgiveness central to everything.

the entire gospel is about being forgiven.  Jesus came to forgive us our sins.

He came to give us grace, that is the gift of forgiveness regardless of whether we are deserving of it.

The whole point of the bible the deliberate act of god was to give us That.

we have to ask why is that?

 Forgiveness is  the central tenet  of the gospel but why?
Lets list the whys of forgiveness

One forgiveness is about us who have been hurt. because forgiveness heals us ,

It’s about healing us who have been hurt and the people we come into contact with whom we hurt in our pain.

Let me say that again about forgiving.

It’s not about who you forgive, it’s about you, you the person who forgives. Let me show you how

Two It releases us from the person who hurt us and takes back control from them

Desmond tutu who had abusive father and grew up in south Africa and fought apartheid and saw many loved ones and friends hurt and injured had much to forgive.  Explained this point very well when he said 

Without forgiveness, we remain tethered to the person who harmed us. We are bound with chains of bitterness, tied together, trapped. Until we can forgive the person who harmed us, that person will hold the keys to our happiness; that person will be our jailor. 

When we forgive, we take back control of our own fate and our feelings. We become our own liberators. We don’t forgive to help the other person. We don’t forgive for others. We forgive for ourselves. Forgiveness, in other words, is the best form of self-interest.

That’s the first part of why, releasing that thing that tethers us to the perpetrator is  taking back control , so forgiveness is freedom from them 

The third part is  the release from our pain and our anger the pain that inflicts on us and those around us.

How does it do,that

Desmond tutu explains holding on to anger  like holding a  bag of sugar at arms length 

When we first pick up a bad of sugar and hold it out it doesn’t hurt 

But the longer it is held the more it hurts 

And it’s not hurting the bag of,sugar  or the person  who gave us that load,it’s hurting us, who hold on to it.

Some of us hold on to that bag for years and years  and that anger is really bad for us

That’s medically proven 

Anger is a form of stress, we live in a fight or flight mode , ready to flight or flee the thing we are angry at. Mentally, physically anger affects you adversely in so many ways, your heart and your soul. 

Stress as well, comes out in so many ways. How many times have you or I been silently thinking about our pain, and then someone comes along ignorant of that and we interact with them more harshly , than we otherwise would.

So anger damages us in all sorts of ways , and indirectly hurts those around us as we act out our hurt 

So that person is now hurting my friends and loved ones.

Fourth A  lack of forgiveness s changes who we are 

Recently When I spoke about my anger at the person who wronged me to a dear friend he said “that doesn’t sound like you” and that pulled me up. I realised that person was in danger of hurting me twice, once for the deed and once for,who it was changing me into.

And we hurt ourselves again and again by giving ourselves something else to,forgive and the damage our harsh words cause to us and to,others.

It literally hurts and damages your soul. The essence of who we are.

And that leads me to my last point it’s the goal of salvation , the goal of god 

5^th  its the goal of salvation so we know it’s good for us.

Salvation better translated means whole, to be made whole.

Hopefully my chat today showed that lack of forgiveness hurts the hurt not the hurter 

So we can’t be whole while we don’t forgive and that takes an active choice on our part and make no bones about it one day we will be held to,account as todays story shows. But not through anger through love, because the anger we hold,on to stops us showing love and causes hurt to others and ourselves and that’s the last thing god wants 

Our entire faith is built on Grace the gift of forgiveness to those that don’t deserve it, and that’s all,of us. Jesus asks we try our best to do,that too as he knows its literally the only way forward the only way we survive.

How to start the journey

Those are all good reasons to forgive but how do we do that , how do  we begin , how can we start the journey!

The first step on that journey is to realise. 

Forgiveness  does not rely on the person who, hurt us.

It does not rely on the apology from the person who hurt us or stole our pen or who did whatever. 

We hold that power to release them in ,our heads, 

When we attach strings to forgiveness , the need for, an apology, the truth, the return of what was stolen etc  they  actually  become the strings that bind us to the perpetrator’s. They will always have hold of us while we hold on to them.

The one who offers forgiveness as Grace is immediately freed untethered from the yoke of whoever hurt them. Regardless of an apology 

We have control , forgiveness is active and not passive and we decide.

2nd step is to realise that forgiveness does not lessen what was done to, us 

Forgiveness does not draw a veil over the hurt caused, indeed it allows us and gives us space to recognise that hurt, and to know it and recognise what has happened to,us.

We can begin to,look at the pain caused and make better decisions about how to heal.

It’s not about lessening the deed.

Quite the opposite forgiveness only happens in truth and honesty when we admit the pain we caused or have been caused.  Only when we name a thing can we heal, by knowing where our pain comes from enables us to forgive.

The 3rd step is forgiving  is not  ignoring the scars 

Jesus didn’t wipe the scars away of what we did.

When we hurt jesus and he died and rose from the dead he came back with the scars of what we had inflicted on him, indeed it was that proof that convinced Thomas.

He didn’t wipe the evidence, 

So it’s not about just saying we weren’t hurt, nor is it just ignoring the ongoing pain. Forgiving is not  ignoring the pain caused or lessening it’s meaning 

4th Nor is it letting it happen again

The lord doesn’t want you in pain,  so we don’t have to let it happen again.  We can protect ourselves, and ask for help in doing so.  In this creation season , the lord wants all his creation honoured and respected and that includes you.  When we forgive we can take steps to make sure we arent hurt again.

The last part of how to,forgive is to realise you are not alone 

Christianity is carried out in community, we aren’t alone in this , we worship a god in trinity, we worship a living god that lives with us, and you need to speak your hurt out loud, and say your truth of how you have been hurt.

Say it to a loved one if you can and always always say it to our lord in prayer.

I am certain when you do he reaches out in return, like  for instance writing this sermon has helped me. It also came along just when I needed it most.

The more you pray the more coincidences happen.  So always take your pain to the lord and ask for help, knowing he’s their to forgive and help you forgive, it’s what he came for.

So hopefully my listing why  and how of forgiveness  has resonated just a little 

I’ll finish with a poem archbishop tutu wrote on this subject 

This is what the heart hears 

I will forgive you

The words are so small But there is a universe hidden in them When I forgive you All those cords of resentment pain and sadness that had wrapped themselves around my heart will be gone When I forgive you You will no longer define me

You measured me and assessed me and decided that you could hurt me I didn’t count But I will forgive you Because I do count I do matter I am bigger than the image you have of me I am stronger I am more beautiful And I am infinitely more precious than you thought me I will forgive you My forgiveness is not a gift that I am giving to you When I forgive you My forgiveness will be a gift that gives itself to me

The last request is the most important. 

Help me lord bring all, these things to, you.

Amen